Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It has been 35 days since my last blog post. My computer is old, fritzy and slightly broken (which is just the way I like my belongings) but this smooth, new iPad works alright to write on. I guess.
Anyways...
My apartment/duplex is very old and is continuing to fall apart. Despite its shortcomings, I love this place and have no desire to leave any time soon, so I asked my landlord to help us out. He sent over his brothers wifes father, who is the go-to guy for fixing stuff around the units owned by my landlord and his brother. He replaced my floody window and my broke-ass kitchen faucet, but he also did a little unplanned work on my heart strings.
He met PP last week. I was surprised at how comfortable she acted around him. She usually shies away from anyone new, but not Fix-it Steve. I couldn't believe it! I thought to myself, "It has to be the tools." She loves tools and he has plenty of them. Maybe it was his smile, or the way he introduced himself and explained to her what he was doing in her house. I couldn't put my finger on it until today.
He came over with Coffee Bob at about 11 this morning. I was busy sending PP off to school when he started telling me about his daughter. She has a very rare syndrome, of which I can't remember the name, she is nearly blind and had a cleft palate. I told him about PP and we shared a few horror stories about surgeries and doctors visits. He told me his daughter is 25 years old now and has a boyfriend, which would have made me cry if I wasn't such a Maverick at holding it back. Then he said, "I just wanted you to know that I know what you're going through. You aren't alone." Then he looked away and threw up his left hand, as if he were Jackie Channing the tears away. I bit my lip. I wasn't expecting that conversation whatsoever, but my heart was filled to the brim and I am glad it happened. I realize now that PP could see that he was genuine, and adept at dealing with the unusual.
I sent PP off to school then sat on my couch to crochet while Steve and Bob fixed the broken things in my house. I listened to their conversations, and I could tell they listened to me sing quietly along with the radio. It was peaceful and I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Shortly after PP came home, I got a phone call from her teacher, Amy. She told me about an unusual laughing episode that PP had at the end of the day. She was worried that it was a seizure, so I took notes and asked her to follow protocol if it happened again. I felt helpless and frustrated, I'm sure my voice gave that away. I knew Steve and Bob heard my conversation. I called Papa Chris soon after to fill him in on what had happened and I knew that Steve and Bob heard that conversation, too.
Without realizing it, as I crawled back onto my couch, I crawled into my head. I was trying to sort out my feelings and what to do next. My brain was going a hundred miles an hour on a loop between 'NO EPILEPSY' and 'WHAT THE F@^!', but my body was still and I was facing the hallway, staring at the wall. PP was on the floor playing with toys like a perfect tiny lady. Steve walked by us in the hallway and he snapped me out of the haze. He was only there for a couple seconds, but his eye caught my gaze with an expression that I have never seen before. No one had ever caught me staring like that; he knew what it meant. His face was painfully understanding and honestly sorry, for what I can't be sure. I can't even explain it properly. He just understood. Then he went down to the basement to get his tools while I went to the floor to play toy cars with PP. Eventually, they finished their work and promised to come back soon to fix the leaky, money-abyss that is my shower. I feel like breaking things so they come back sooner.
Sometimes there are no right words that can be said. Just being in the presence of someone who understands "what it's like" is enough. I am so grateful for people like Fix-it Steve. I strive to be as brave as he is, to relate people through PP even though it's hard to do. I am also in debt to people like Coffee Bob: those who stick around the Fix-it Steves through all the weird stuff.
This ones for you, Kay-see-vee.
XoX
Momma Lace thinks her little bug is SO cool, she wants to tell the world about it! Penelope has a rare genetic disorder, Weaver Syndrome, which makes life a bit different for her family...here's our story!
