Just say NO to superfluous GeeGaws!

I feel like I need to address something that I've been trying to validate in my head for a while now:
I never answer my phone.

I was inspired to come clean about my justifiable detest for certain 'normal' situations because of an article I read today. You should read it too!
7 Things You Don't Know About a Special Needs Parent

Sadly, yes, I ignore most personal phone calls on a regular basis. Yes, I might say I will call you back and I never do. This is a tricky situation for me to explain, so I will try to do it in such a way that hopefully won't hurt anyones feelings. The people who try to contact me, and keep trying to contact me despite our lack of phone-conversations, are the ones who I care about most. I need to make that loud and clear!

The biggest reason that I don't like talking on the phone is that I simply don't have the time. If I have time to talk on the phone, I can definitely be doing something more productive. Usually, I need to dedicate my phone time to completing a lengthy, never ending list of phone calls to teachers, thearpists, doctors, social workers, and insurance companies. If I don't feel like making calls, I always have paper work to fill out, homework, or a neglected chore that needs to be done. Also, PP doesn't tolerate me talking on the phone very well. Whenever I decide to go out on a limb and answer a phone call (or dare MAKE a phone call) she will hit me, whine, and grab for the phone. That makes for a very short phone conversation because she either gets so worked up that I need to end it, or she finally gets her little fingers close enough to end the call. It's frustrating for everyone so I would just rather avoid that situation.

Second, I do care about what is going on in other people's lives, to an extent. This may sound mean, and I truly don't mean to be mean, I just can't think of a better way to phrase it. I have always been the kind of person to try and solve everyones problems. Chris has said before that I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I honestly don't know how to live any other way because it's simply who I am. Because of PP and all the baggage that comes with her, I am at maximum capacity for trying to help others. I love hearing about positive things because I can be a very negative person. I need positive energy, really. When I get phone calls about bad things with little to no good news to counteract it, it really gets me down. I am a person who feels everything that the person confiding in me feels. I cry when you cry. I laugh when you laugh. I would rather laugh than cry, and it seems that a lot of times when people call it is to talk about things that will either make me mad or cry. I think long and hard about the problems of others even after our conversation has ended, you might call me a worry-wart. It is simply human nature to focus more on the negatives and it's very easy forget the positives. It's hard to break that cycle, I completely understand that. Breaking the negative cycle is exactly what I am trying to do though. I have come so far in my life, and have grown into a person I never thought I would be. I could very easily just sit in a heap on the floor wallowing in the unfairness of life all day long. I make every effort to be a positive person because if I were in a perpetually bad mood I would never get anything done, and that doesn't benefit anyone. Some of the things that used to really bother me do not bother me at all anymore. Being the mother of a child with special needs makes you put everything into perspective, and I find it hard to relate to other peoples problems anymore because they just don't seem that bad to me. I have been through comparitively worse things than a lot of people I know. I don't want to sound arrogant at all, I like to think of myself as down-to-earth, but I have a hard time putting in any energy to being even the tiniest bit upset over lots of things that others think are a big deal. There are times when all of my problems jump on my back at once and I have a really hard time, but I am able to see the light at the end of the tunnel in every situation. While I was pregnant, I faced the harsh reality that my baby could die if I didn't lay on my left side for a very extensive amount of time, but I get to love my baby in the earthly form every single day. I was devastated when I found out Chris had 'cancer' because I couldn't imagine trying to live my life without him, but he is still here with me. I lost a great friend, future mother in law, and PP's grandma Mary to brain cancer, but I am so grateful to have known her. I have to deal with the reality every day that my child is disabled and the only thing I can do about it is work really, really, really hard, but I am never bored. The list could go on and on. Despite all of those negative things, we manage to live a very happy, exciting, satisfying life. Honestly, I have never been happier in my entire life. I have never felt like I was doing what I was really supposed to be doing until I had PP. I blame Chris for being a constant ray of sunshine, this quality has rubbed off on me. It's nicer (and easier) than being a negative Nancy!

Finally, my biggest New Year's Resolution was to "eliminate the plaguing, superfluous GeeGaws and focus on positivity." I am making every effort to do that. Unfortunately, that means choosing not to participate in certain activities and conversations, but I don't feel like a bad person for doing that. If I can make my life easier by simply not answering the phone, you bet your ass I will do it. It's not my responsibility to care for everyone else. It is only my responsibility to take care of me, PP, and Chris because if one of us isn't happy all of our lives are miserable. It's taken me a while to realize this and it's a really tough pill to swallow because the thing that makes me the happiest is caring for and helping the people I love. I feel like I have deserted almost everyone in my life that isn't directly related to PP. On the other hand, doing this makes my life so much easier. Making anything easier is most important to my state of mental health which in turn will make PPs life better. Life is always changing so I like to think that sometime in the future I can figure out a way to re-instate my lost relationships and make them into something that will benefit everyone.

I hope that if anyone was feeling bad, or ignored, they understand my actions a little better now. Like I said before, I am not here to take care of other peoples problems because I have lots of really difficult things to deal with on my own.

I hope that everyone can be happy and comfortable with who they really are for their own sake.

Happy Pi day!
XoX