Now, I'm even more badass.

I like to try to try a new thing every day. Some days it doesn't work out, so on a different day I might try two or even THREE new things to make up the difference. It helps me and PP stave off boredom! Today, I did two new things.

I started the day with a blunder. I woke up a bit late, and PP slept later than I did. I went downstairs to get some laundry. I was immediately reminded of an ongoing incident waiting for me in the dryer vent. Ominous scratches could be heard from tiny claws making a futile attempt to escape the abyss of my dryer. Oh crap. I really didn't want to deal with that at the time, or ever. So I left the basement, forgetting the clothes, but remembering what needed to be done to fix the problem the entire day. We were almost late for OT at Children's, but with my fancy driving we arrived exactly at 10AM. Little did I know, that at 9:20AM, I was supposed to be hearing a voicemail from Children's saying that our therapist was out of the office today. Our appointment was cancelled. As I picked the sleep from my eyes the front desk receptionist filled me in. I hardly look at my phone in the morning so it wasn't a surprise to me. I thought PP and I could go play at the park. Wrong.

When I got home I realized we were nearly out of wipes. Blah! So on our way to the store I decided to be all spontaneous and junk; I bought a giant sheet of plastic. I had some big plans in store for our day that were better than the park.

We got home and hung out for a bit. But, holy poop, it was hot out today and everything we did seemed to take much longer than I planned. My plastic sheet plans were foiled and had to wait for the afternoon. PP went down for her nap and I was all like, "Eff this...I'm taking a nap." So I did. It was lovely! Then we had to run some errands. When we got home I was super productive and got dinner ready a half hour early! I was really motivated to get this plastic sheet biz on the jump start.

Finally, it was plastic sheet time, my first new and exciting thing to try for the day. I laid it out on the lawn and then folded it in half. I duct taped the three sides together, like a plastic hot pocket. I kept a little space open for a hose to fit into one of the corners. I got the hose and some blue food dye and began to fill my plastic hot pocket with bright blue water. My intentions were to make a big, cool, water blob for PP and I to roll around on (thanks a million, Pinterest!). It was going to be like a big water bed and probably the coolest thing I have done in a while. The idea is fool-proof! This nonsense was going pretty smoothly until PP got bored. Yikes! This giant piece of plastic would take forever to fill up! The blob was only about half full when we ventured to the garage. We were gone for just a few minutes. The anticipation of having this giant squishy thing on the grass was becoming too much for me to handle. I picked PP up and ran back to the blob, only to see that it had rolled down the slight slope of the yard. There was my big, beautiful blob, reduced to nothing more than a wet and very dirty piece of plastic, dabbled in duct tape cuddled up next to the fence. I couldn't stop myself from saying, "You win again, gravity." and shaking my fist in the air. The hose was also spraying all over the yard, so to get everything under control I had to run into the shower of freezing cold water with PP so she wouldn't go running in the opposite direction. She was pissed. This giant blob was more difficult to handle than I thought it would be because there was still water inside. Tugging on it was like tugging on a sheet stuck under a boulder. During a brief fit of rage I ripped the dumb thing apart. Then it was done. Water was everywhere.

I sat in my lawn chair next to PP and we discussed what was to be done with the rest of our day. What other shenanigans could I get the two of us into?!

Going to the beach never fails, so I popped PP into the wagon with some snacks and our beach bag. Holy poop, it was hot out! We got to the beach and it was play time! I got some funny looks from people as I started to put wet sand all over PP as she shrieked in delight, but she liked it and it's good for her to get as much sensory feedback from her surroundings as possible. Yah, I buried her in some sand. No big deal.

We even kind of made a friend. She was a very curious 4 1/2 year old girl with a million questions. Her parents didn't even give a courtesy wave when I waved at them, but they seemed to be OK enough with me to entertain their daughter. I think she was so interested in us because we were the only ones in the water literally horsing around. She started horsing around as well, so we had a good time. I was spinning PP in circles, singing "Ring Around a Rosie" and taking a break closer to the shore now and then to bury PP in the sand. The little girl, Taylor, was right along with us. She also liked to show me the fancy things she could do in her life jacket. It was a really, really nice day at the beach! Our day seemed to be on the upswing!

We got home just in time for bath and bed. PP went down without a hitch, thank you beach! Chris finally got home and he made us some cheeseburgers. As the two of us sat on the porch eating and discussing our day I brought up the situation waiting for us in the dryer. We tossed ideas back and forth on how to free the animal, but it was obvious neither one of us wanted to do anything. It's so gross.

If this little bugger was still alive I would have to catch it and probably end up killing it in the process. If it was dead in the dryer, I would have to fish out a dead animal from the dryer. A complete lose-lose situation.

We went downstairs to take a hard look at what we were dealing with and decided a piece of cardboard and a garbage bag were the two best tools for the job. We rattled the tubing around a bit to see if it was still alive and there were no signs of life or death. There was nothing! Thanks? I wasn't sure. We took the tubing apart and found nothing. UGH! I knew there was something in that damn dryer, and not seeing anything in the tubing meant the stupid animal had probably chewed it's way somewhere deep inside the actual dryer. The only feasible option seemed to be to turn the dryer on, since the thing was obviously dead. We hoped it would get sucked back into the tubing. Sure enough, when we turned on our death machine we heard the banging of a little animal carcass. I was about to pull my hair out! After that, there were still no signs of an animal inside the tubing. We turned the dryer on it's face and decided that taking the back off was the best solution. As Chris went upstairs to get some tools, I thought it would be a lark if I shook the tubing once more. I wasn't expecting anything to happen, and this is the second new thing I did today. I acted on an impulse in a situation that could take a very terrifying turn. Immediately after I did, I wished I hadn't, because a freshly deceased chipmunk fell onto the ground and my eyeballs almost popped out of my head. I screamed and ran upstairs. At least we didn't have to take the dryer apart.

Mind you, I have seen horrendous things in my life. As a CNA in a nursing home I helped nurses dress subcutaneous ulcers on a coccyx so deep that you could hide a wine cork in them. I have seen nightmarish staph infections. Improperly healed knee replacements which grow superficial pustules that ooze green madness and need to be dressed every other hour. Poop, pee, vomit, injuries beyond your wildest dreams. I've handled dead bodies.

I'm certainly not a wiener, but I have limits.

This chipmunk was hardly even dead, but it scared the shit out of me. I don't dig on bugs or rodents or anything like that.

Chris knows this about me because he has seen it first hand. These things are not something I go parading around telling anyone about, except for right now. Hah! So, being a smart ass, he says that I am the one who has to pick it up. I made a good case as to why I couldn't, but seeing that stupid chipmunk laying dead on the floor was a bit too much for me. I could barely stand the sight of it; it was very fresh, and still squishy. Chris poked it. I swear it looked at me. I was scared that maybe it would turn into a zombie and attack me. I stayed as far away as I could from it while using a dust pan to scoop it up. The zombie theory flew out the window because it was most definitely dead. Of course, right as I get it into the dust pan Chris yells "BAAAHHHH!" and scares me half to death! In a flash I tossed that damn rodent into the plastic coffin and cursed it. Then I cursed Chris and ran upstairs. I might have acted like a baby but I still did the deed!

Today was like a TV show. Some crazy hilarious events took place, but at the end of the night everything is back to normal.

Now the house is calm and my dryer is humming along with the laundry that has been building up since Friday. I've got my work cut out for me as far as housework is concerned, but my work as a handy-lady/zombie chipmunk handler is over. Thank goodness. I am experiencing a fresh sense of self-empowerment. Lovely.

Eh...bedtime never sounded so sweet.

Strong stomachs and new experiences!
XoX