I have not been feeling up to the task of writing whatsoever, but I have received some interesting emails within the past few months and they inspired me to write again. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you, readers, for encouraging us and sharing your stories with me. I know now that I am not the only one going through tough times, and although it makes me sad to hear your stories, it fills me with strength because I am not alone.
Having a disabled child is tough.
Special children put a special kind of stress on the hearts of their parents; while filling your soul with incomprehensible love, any morsel of energy you can conjure will go to anything that child needs, and they always need more. Providing for someone with extra needs will change the way you live in every other aspect of your life and that's not always easy to deal with. It can be daunting to find balance between parenting, working, and taking care of yourself when one area dominates all others. For a while now, it has been seemingly impossible to get to a happy medium between being PP's mama, working and keeping close relationships intact. It's been so hard, that Papa Chris and I are no longer together. He and I tried our best, but we just couldn't keep going. Neither one of us places any blame on PP (make note of that) but it's the way that we handled ourselves that couldn't continue. I think he and I are courageous for trying our best and knowing for sure when it's time for change, but if you think differently, please keep your thoughts to yourself.
With that said, I bet you all are wondering what PP has been up to this summer...she's been busy!
PP has obviously been affected by the change in family dynamics, but it's easy to see that she is still a very happy little girl. She has been a light in the dark for me and that laugh just melts my heart every time. PP loves playing pretend tea party, feeding her dolls and sharing her 'treats' and 'drinks' with whomever is near. She loves to go float around in lakes with her fancy blow-up chair and eat snacks on the beach towels, she may even eat some sand! Just kidding, she ALWAYS eats the sand! She loves to look for airplanes and make dinosaur/elephant/motorcycle/pig noises. PP is an ornery love-bug who won't do what you ask her to do just because it wasn't her idea, and she thinks it's hilarious when someone sneezes or coughs. She likes to flirt with her uncles and is painfully shy with strangers. She is learning to warm up to people a little more quickly these days tho, which is fun to watch for the strangers reaction. I have been tanning my hide when it comes to dealing with strangers as well. I am not quite so apprehensive to talk to people if they ask questions. I can laugh at and quickly disregard those who just want to be rude. Going into single-parent-hood has forced me to step outside of my comfort zone in every way and I like the progress I am making. PP needs someone who can handle the biz. I know I can do that for her if I try.
PP needs a Mama who will work tirelessly to ensure her success. I feel like it is my job to buoy her love of learning, but it can be a challenge. For about 9 months she and I have been going to therapy at Children's Hospital three times a week, but it was hard to see any progress from PP in speech or occupational therapy. This was disheartening. I could see her growing in her own ways every week, but when it came to skills that can be measured, PP seemed to stagnate. In some ways, she 'unlearned' a few skills. Her difficult behaviors increased as well, making therapy even more exhausting, leading me to question whether or not it was worth the effort. After careful discussion with the therapist from each discipline, we decided that it would be best for PP to only focus on physical therapy at the hospital while receiving therapy services in preschool which would begin in September. There's no point in dragging her through therapy, so we will try again in about 6 months to see what she will do. Now it's time to focus on school and getting into a new routine, which I am SO excited for. Thank goodness life always moves forward.
Heads up, thumbs up, keep smiling!
XoX
