Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Yearly review.

As the end of the year draws near, I think about my New Year's resolution from last year. It was simple: "Make this year better than the last."

During the month of January I wasn't in the hospital with PP. I am so grateful for that. We still lived in our old apartment with the horrible downstairs neighbors. The cats named Sergeant Pepper and Ernie lived in my house. I had my little red car. A new school year began and we had a solid IEP.

February rolled along so Chris and I celebrated our birthdays by doing nothing. Then my little red car broke and I had a difficult time doing anything. I finally got a new car after a couple weeks of looking. Although the Matrix isn't perfect, I love it every day and am incredibly thankful for it. The horrible downstairs neighbors were raided for drugs and put me into hysterics, so I started apartment searching. There was a terrible snow storm, but my new car didn't get stuck.

The day we got PP's diagnosis of Weaver's Sydrome was on March 7.
I found an apartment for my family located in a great part of MPLS and moved in early. We started exploring the community and fell in love with it. South Minneapolis may just be my forever home. I turned 23 on March 5th and started baking a lot of cookies.

When it was April 14th I remembered someone close to me who passed away last year. Peace and rest, Mary B. PP got orthotic braces for her legs, or I like to call them "Magic Shoes." Chris and I started our infatuous relationship with the Guthrie Theater.

May was the month we stopped feeding PP thickened fluids for swallowing problems, officially starting her obsession with apple juice. Chris and I quit smoking. We also went camping sans child, which was fantastic.

June snuck in and gave us fabulous weather, so me and PP spent a lot of time outside. Enjoying summer was important this year. We gardened, beached-it, walked, swam, ran, layed around, went to the park, took day trips to Southern and Southwestern MN, went antiquing, danced, ate on the Dairy Queen patio at night. These were very, very, very good times.

I found more of myself in July.
With our first garage sale we made some money, and learned that incredibly lazy and irresponsible neighbors can have the BEST intentions.

August had the feeling of change in the air. School didn't start for about a month and I had a lot of free time for myself and PP. We had another garage sale, the last one of the year. Preparing for the Fall/Winter season was the biggest thing on my mind so a lot of nesting took place.

September comes before you're ready. School started with a bang and has been non-stop ever since. I started working at the Convention Center as a banquet server for extra money. Chris was very busy at work, doing 10 hour days 5-6 times a week. Me and PP spent a lot time running errands, going to school, and doing whatever else was necessary for the day. I got butterflies from my Uncle Troy and Mr Molly the Siamese cat ate them. PP got hives that looked scary but were treatable. I'm so happy that was her most serious hospitalization this year.

October was fun. PP started Speech Therapy. I hosted a Stella and Dot jewelry party with my friend Veronica which was very fun. Chris and I participated in the Zombie Pub Crawl with a few of our friends and good times were had by all. Our dear friends, Brendon and Jamie, got married. Chris was a groomsman and he looked so handsome. We danced all night long!

I always look forward to November, the month of PP's birthday. Unfortunately, my grandpa Richard died from lung cancer as well. It was a very hard time for me, I was shaken. I had to postpone PP's birthday party because the funeral fell on the same day. It was a very important and personal choice for me to attend the funeral, so that's the way it had to be. I felt much better afterwards. The weekend after Thanksgiving we celebrated PP's birthday party with family and great friends. She got lots of fun toys and big girl jewelry.

December has only just arrived. We have been trucking along with the same-old, but we are getting ready for Christmas season with pretty lights and big bear hugs.

As I look back on the year I can't help but feel like I've transformed into a better Lacey Mom. During a bicker with Chris one day he said to me, " You always have the weight of the world on your shoulders. " I heard him. That mentality carries over into every area of your life, and can get scary. I felt like I never did things for myself and was forgotten. Relentlessly doing everything for someone else who has many needs is a big burden to carry, and I couldn't figure out how to adjust the weight of it all. I was bitter and felt short-changed. It was like there was always something wrong, like no one could possibly understand me. I ached for a break somewhere because I didn't want to be so serious and so tired anymore. It took me a while to realize I have to break myself. I couldn't stay in this stale frame of mind. I'd have to grow up all by myself.

Now I make a conscious effort to take myself and other less seriously. I don't fill my cup to the brim every day. I look at people for who they are and not what they should be. I tell a secret now and then. I ask for help. I tell people I love them, and feel happy when they say it to me. I sing out loud but only to my private audience. Asking Chris to help me do things that make me smile ended up being surprise date nights with lots of laughs and slobber-kisses. I love it. PP is always changing. Happiness comes with her no matter what, and with my new outlook we are able to enjoy beautiful works of chalk art on the floor and lots of chocolate milk. I finally enrolled in school again so January will be full of surprises, I'm sure. I'm expecting a pineapple ukulele in the mail today and a piano some time in the near future. I have been finding things that make me feel good and doing them. It makes me feel free, it makes me happy. Being the best mom I have ever been is the biggest trophy made from these changes, because it's for my baby P. It's a platinum trophy if you were wondering. It feels good to be me. Two thousand and eleven was a good year. Let's make next year even better!

Candy canes and twinkling lights!
XOX

2 comments:

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  2. There I changed it!
    I was thinking of using it for my Christmas letter too. If I wrote another one, it would probably sound just the same as this anyways!

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