If you don't have anything nice to say...

I'm surely not a Saint when it comes to using foul language. I do, however, make an effort to speak in a courteous fashion. I think that being aware of your company is important to carrying on an enjoyable conversation. Sadly, this is not a universally accepted standard.

Chivalry is dead and social etiquette is being tortured in a dark basement. Modern times have placed a huge amount of value in being edgy and IN-YOUR-FACE, making people go to extremes to get attention.

This truly makes me sad. When I hear a person using words or phrases that are blatantly offensive to their audience I place an imaginary red check next to their spot in my memory, among other things. This red mark is completely involuntary, like a reflex, but absolutely necessary. It helps me remember whose opinion or idea to hold more value to, or not. In other words, if you use careless language and don't correct your mistake, I won't like you quite as much as I did when the conversation started. I may not say anything about it at the time because I don't feel like it's my job to be the grammar police, slapping your hands with a ruler when you piss me off. It can also be scary to stand up to someone who uses those words in the first place; they obviously can't take the time to be respectful in a regular conversation, so there is little to no hope of resolution if you try confronting them when you feel they are in the wrong. I might smile and nod during the remainder of the conversation, but I stop listening to everything they say, crawling inside my own head to imagine myself inflicting paper cuts under their tongue.

The most disheartening experience is finding a repeat offender, especially with those who I am close to.  I don't know where to go with that, because those situations cut the deepest. Using words like "retard", "gay",  "homo", "nigger", etc,  to describe something unlikable is extremely offensive, even if the audience may not embody any of those words. A person using these words appears immature and narrow minded. Everyone has family members and close friends who are different, and may be gay or black or Jewish or disabled, so your ignorance and carelessness is painful because you're mocking the people they love for your own amusement. Joking around while using foul words is no joke whatsoever, just like saying "I don't mean to be offensive/rude" before you say something offensive or rude is supposed to cancel out being an asshole. Making fun of people when they can't hear or understand what you're saying is so lowly, amazingly unattractive. Making fun of people when they CAN hear you lands you a spot on my imaginary tongue cutting list.

I found an article that may seem picky, but it elaborates my general views on this matter.
What is Ableist language and why should you care?

I am positive I will still hear nasty words fall out of the mouths of others, but I just wanted to say that when you do speak carelessly it affects me, and our relationship, negatively. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, especially if you are around me. I am not really listening to you anyways.


Thoughtful words and peaceful thoughts
XoX